And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
