I wish I could punch you in the face.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
