Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
