Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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