I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
