ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
