I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
