So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
