I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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