Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
