Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
