I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
