when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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