Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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