my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
