i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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