Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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