so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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