so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
