Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
