I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
