Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
