I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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