Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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