Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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