On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he puts the penis in happiness.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
