Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I stole a fireplace last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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