You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
