i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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