we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
