If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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