can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
