some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
