I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize