What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
