i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
