I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
