Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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