If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
