Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
