i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
