Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
