i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
