I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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