i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
