I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it because I queefed?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
