if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just fell off a train. Bad.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize