At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize