Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
my liver is dry heaving
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
