is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
