Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
