I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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