Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
