if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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