is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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