my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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