I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
