and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
