I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
