i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
