I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
