well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
