Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize