he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
