sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
